What difference could it make?
by Shirbert fangirl
Summary: This is a series of one-shots from all over the books prompted by "what if" or "why did he/she" moments, all are Gilbert/Anne and all are stand-alones. Updated as I write them.
1. A final goodbye

A/N: All mistakes are my own, I don't have a betareader yet (pm me if you'd like to offer :)). Thanks to Moo for always being the voice of reason

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The lilies were his downfall. Gilbert had been avoiding Anne – both in person and by mention in conversation – since he had visited Patty's Place just after their return from the Christmas holidays. Anne had acted as if nothing had changed between them but to him it felt a false front, pretending everything was as it used to be was far worse than acknowledging the the shift in her affections.

Her eyes had held the dreamy look of one seeing all their hopes coming true and it felt like a knife through his heart that Anne was clearly over the moon in love. He knew he should be happy for her, should be able to set aside his unrequited feelings in a show of support for a childhood chum. He decided that day that it was far easier to lose her completely than pine over a future he could never have and keep some form of friendship. With the decision made Gilbert stopped his previous habit of frequently visiting Patty's Place instead filling the lost hours with studies, work, and Christine's company as the gossip at Redmond turned to discussions of who were expected to be announcing their engagement.

Though previously he had constantly quashed rumours of his impending engagement to Miss. Christine Stewart now he said nothing, for what did it matter if everyone were to believe such a blatant falsehood? Anne no longer needed to be kept from hearing those things for she had made her choice. Both he and Christine had a good laugh about it when the rumour had first circulated as Christine agreed that she saw him as nothing but a good friend. Her being already engaged to another seemed little deterrent to those who would claim something more between them.

Gilbert could do nothing to compete with a man such as Royal Gardner who seemed to check off every single item on the silly imaginary list Anne had for her 'ideal' man. How could he ever even come close to that? No, he had been right to attempt to piece together what he could of his shattered heart and move forward with other life dreams. Becoming a doctor was a worthy goal that went well in hand with his distraction of obsessive studying.

Christine had made a joking comment that if they iwere/i to be engaged Gilbert was quite frankly failing in the romance department as he hadn't even bought her flowers yet. Being that he was in somewhat of a silly over the moon happy mood after passing his examinations swimmingly he happily walked into the nicest flowershop he could find with the plan of buying his closest friend and constant companion a beautiful bouquet.

The flowershop was small but warm and fragrant. As the man working the counter was occupied with another patron Gilbert occupied himself by looking around at all the different bouquets for offer, steadfastly ignoring bunches of violets like those that grew between the ferns of the creek or the beautiful tulips so much like those that grew in the garden of Green Gables. The bouquets of lily-of-the-valley were the worst for they looked exactly like the lilies that grew in Avonlea in June. They brought back painful memories of summers spent basking in her presence, of the hopes and dreams that had been dashed, of the night Anne swore she could never love him. Suddenly he found himself requesting that bouquet of the man who had come over to help him as well as a second bouquet of bright, gay daisies Christine was sure to adore.

Gilbert hoped the lilies broke her heart as thoroughly as they did his, that every time she saw those lilies in Avonlea she was reminded of him. Refusing his proposal may not have broken her in the way it had him but he couldn't help wanting to make her feel at least a small amount of what she'd done to him. Schoolwork and keeping busy had done little to dull his misery or pain.

He paused when it came to the card, unsure of exactly what to say. Should he show his full hand? Say something that would remind her of that night? Instead he simply wrote a congratulatory message and signed it. Paying for it to be delivered to Patty's Place was in its own way torture. He wouldn't have to face her again yet he also would miss getting to see what memories flashed across her expressive face when she saw the lilies. Christine's flowers he took to her himself which they both had a good laugh over. Though her friendship was a balm on his injured soul and he could always find reason to laugh with her it was only a temporary solution to a larger problem, his bouquet had earned him a hug from a laughing Christine in the library where he had surprised her.

The night of Convocation he was met with an unexpected but pleasant sight of Anne Shirley with _his_ lilies held in her arms. The small optimistic part of him that he hadn't be able to quash even after the loss of what he had come to believe was _fated_ made his heart skip a beat. Though he fervently wished to speak to Anne about why she chose to carry his bouquet in place of the assumed bouquet Roy _must_ have bought her Gilbert thought better of the action and instead joined the Stewarts who awaited him. Being good friends with both son and daughter had netted him an invitation to join them for an early dinner.

It was for best, he reminded himself, Anne didn't and couldn't love him by her own admittance. He was exhausted – truly bone weary – both physically and mentally after the year of hard work which had netted him both the high honours and Cooper's Prize he had set his aim for. That at least showed that all his hard work was not for naught.

At least for those he could stand tall and continue on. He'd never put the shattered pieces of his heart back together but he was able to have pride in himself. It would have to be close enough for him.


	2. The Necklace

Christine Stewart was definitely not Anne Shirley – of that anyone could be sure – though for Gilbert it was the desperate act of trying to fill the dark hole left in his soul by the assumed love of one with the safe friendship of the other. Every time he accompanied Christine on some mission of hers for a ridiculous or pointless reason the vast and sometimes refreshing differences were made starkly clear. This time Christine had asked for his assistance in helping to choose a necklace that matched her new dress as a surprise for her Fiance.

The jewellery store she chose was of a higher calibre than the sorts of places he tended to chose, Christine proclaimed them to be one of the best jewellers nearby as they entered. While his friend discusses the exact specifications of the necklace she sought out with the owner Gilbert occupied himself by looking curiously through the pieces for offer in the display at the front of the store. He hardly spared any of it anything more than a passing glance until his eyes fell on a small pendant on a thread-like chain of gold. Though small and mostly swallowed by the larger pieces around it he couldn't keep his eyes off of it.

A tiny heart shaped ceramic heart of a certain shade of pink brought back memories of a broken slate and the first time he lay eyes on those expressive grey depths. This heart had no words on it but all the same it was so near to the first heart he had ever given that it seemed to beckon to him. With a small smile he spoke up. "Excuse me sir, how much for this piece?"

"Twenty-five dollars." The man called out with hardly a glance towards him though Gilbert didn't notice.

It's all the money he has at the moment but he cannot resist the allure of this tiny heart. Although it will mean having nothing for a while he obediently takes out his wallet and holds the money out to the man.

Later as he sits on the bed in his boarding room staring at the little white box containing the necklace he finds himself questioning his actions. Anne was as good as engaged to Royal Gardner now, he had no right to send her any little trinkets especially after she had refused his love and offer of a future together. After a few moments of this silent back and forth about the piece of jewellery he stood up in annoyance and stashed the box in his trunk under a couple of shirts he rarely wore in the hopes that if it were out of sight it could be out of mind. Soon enough her engagement would be announced, dashing his hopes and dreams forever. He knew that no matter how hard he tried or how much he did Gilbert Blythe could never be the ideal that she had always dreamed of, no matter how much he gave up for her comfort or how often he made the world as he knew it change because he couldn't ever permit her to be in pain or sadness if there was anything he could do. He tried to tell himself that Anne's happiness should be enough for him, that she didn't and couldn't love him the way he wanted her to, that salvaging some form of friendship was better than losing her completely but none of it felt like something he could live with.

The necklace was out of sight but hardly out of mind. It haunted his thoughts until the Christmas vacation when he finally pulled the box back out, threading the thin gold chain through his fingers so the tiny delicate heart rested in his palm. For something so small to consume him so fully in such a way plagued his mind. In indecision about what to do with the necklace – could he truly give it to her as an act of friendship? Should he try once more to tell her the depths of his love for her? - he languished until Christmas day when he wrote a polite note of congratulations to Anne and left both on the porch of Green Gables in the early hours before anyone would be up, unable to see her for fear of embarrassing himself again by begging her to reconsider.

The very next day a lovely letter of thanks was delivered to the Blythe farm while Gilbert was away visiting his White Sands friends. The friendly letter took the place of the box under clothing in his trunk and broke his heart further. Everyone in Avonlea knew of his heartbreak though many seemed to believe that the circumstance would still change and providence would win out. He tried desperately to hold onto hope even in this bleakest hour but slowly like grains of sand hope slipped through his fingers.

It would be better to forget, to try to move on and learn to be alone. He would continue on with his plans for medical school for becoming a doctor would give reason to move far from Avonlea and never speak of his loss again. He would fill that hole in his soul not with friendship or affection but with the knowledge that he was making a difference.

Gilbert would never be truly accepting of how things had gone however, he knew he would eventually learn to live with it the way others learned to live without a piece of them – his loss was so deep within his heart and soul where no one would ever see.


	3. The Dance

After Convocation the Arts graduates threw a dance. By virtue of his close friendship with Christine Gilbert had been invited nearly from the moment it was planned though originally he hadn't intended to attend though between Anne's preference for his lilies and Christine's insistence that he at least make an appearance he at last agreed to attend for at least a little while. At the least it might afford him a chance to speak to Anne before her 'knight in shining armour' swept her away to a new life.

It was easy enough to spot Anne through the crowd of students that filled the hall. She looked as lovely as ever though something seemed somehow off with her that evoked the memories of Ruby that last summer, covering up the pain and fear with a cheerful false disposition. It worried him deeply.

The first few dances he sat out, trying to plan exactly what to say to Anne. Finally he gathered his courage and made his way over to where she stood with the other girls that shared Patty's Place.

"Good evening ladies, Anne I've come to ask you for a dance." He said in what he hoped was a casual way.

"I'm sorry Mr. Blythe but my dance card is full – Miss. Stewart looks lonely, perhaps _she_ would prefer your company." Anne replied flippantly in a tone that nearly brought an unbidden smile to his face. She turned away from him then in an obvious snub.

Phil gave him a tight apologetic looking smile before she too turned away. At a loss for the reason behind Anne's odd behaviour Gilbert went back to the seat where Christine waited to hear what happened.

"Funny isn't it how a small action can cause your world to crash down upon you?" He asked rhetorically as he sat.

"How Anne Shirley could act this way towards an 'old friend' is absolutely shocking." Christine replied with a huff, offended for her friend's sake.

"Maybe it's for best Christine. Maybe I should just concentrate on my doctorate and medical school." Gilbert said with a tired sigh.

"Take a break Gil, after the year you've managed I think you deserve it."

Noncommittally he grunted in way of an answer. He was already making plans for his difficult summer in Avonlea – he would have to avoid Diana which made Fred hardly a viable means of distraction by friendship. One small thing had changed everything and in a way he wished he could go back and stop himself from ever having even entertained thoughts that Anne might feel anything but friendship for him.


	4. Phil's Letter

He had felt ill for a few days, overheated with an odd ache throughout his body. At first he had just assumed it was exhaustion setting in from the difficult year past but by the end of the week it was obviously something more. With a soaring temperature that left him as weak as a newborn kitten the doctor was called.

By the second week he spent nearly every moment in bed under the care of a nurse. Unable to summon the energy to do anything nor the mental strength to care whether he lived or not the doctor assured his parents that though this had been a bad case from the start there was still a chance that the Blythe Constitution would win out. In a way Gilbert found the illness a relief for it was rare that he could summon the strength to feel anything more than exhaustion no matter where the fever turned his thoughts.

It was into the third week of illness when Gilbert received a letter from Phil Blake which managed to attract his attention even through the haze of delirium. Phil Blake – formerly Phil Gordon – was one of Anne's dearest friends from Redmond. After the fever of the evening had finally broken leaving him feeling weak but restless he asked the nurse to give him the envelope then retire for the evening. The paper was sturdy but plain though Phil's loopy feminine scrawl was anything but. Curiously he read the letter, wondering why Anne's chum would be writing to him.

"Dearest darling Gilbert," It began which caused him to chuckle for Phil had ever been far too familiar with everyone she came across.

"I must inform you that Anne Of Green Gables does NOT love Royal Gardner! Oh I know you must be thinking that I've lost my mind but I assure you that it is very much true – I was there the night she refused him! And Gilbert I think in truth the person she truly loves is you for on the evening of the Art's graduates dance I told her that I believed you were to announce your engagement to Christine Stewart and she was so out of sorts all evening so there! You must forgive me dearest Gil for I was just trying to test a suspicion I held. You mustn't give up, do try and ask her again won't you? Jo says one can never truly learn themselves until they've experienced adversity and I suppose it just must be true. Anne only THOUGHT she loved Roy because he seemed so ideal but I always thought he was a tad too dull for her. She doesn't love him and you must believe me. Please, darling, ask Anne for her hand again. I daresay she won't refuse you THIS time!

Anxiously awaiting a wedding invitation,

Your chum Phil Blake.

P.S: Jo says I shouldn't interfere but I MUST help!"

The letter had him laughing, both in amusement at how much her writing sounded exactly how she spoke and in relief that his darling Anne hadn't agreed to wed Royal Gardner. Carefully he folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope before hiding it between the pages of his favourite book that sat untouched on his beside table since the beginning of his illness. For the first time since that horrid evening two years ago Gilbert felt free, full of hopes and dreams once again. With a smile on his face he lay back down to sleep.

Still weak though far more full of inner strength of will when he awoke the next day Gilbert began the struggle back to wellness. Knowing he had another chance at the happiness he had hoped for he was not about to give up, the Blythe constitution was on his side as well as his newfound strength. He was determined to ask Anne the most important question of his life again – and this time he felt absolutely sure of the answer. He might not have sunbursts or marble halls to offer but he did have a lifetime of love and the promise of happiness.


	5. Second Chances

A/N: if it's in italics for this chapter it's taken directly from the book. Thanks to the reviewers and to Moo for the encouragement. After having my bag stolen with my writing notebooks in it I felt discouraged about continuing but you all made me feel like I couldn't let you down.

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Thing had changed between them, something in their friendship had changed after his turn with illness and Gilbert felt sure it had turned towards his dreams. With the assurance from Phil that Anne Shirley did indeed love him the former school teacher began to plan a way in which to sweep one Anne Shirley of Green Gables off her feet. It was a beautiful day at the end of summer when Gilbert Blythe finally gathered enough strength to commit himself to the perfect plan. Today would be the day he would at last ask Anne Shirley the most important question for the second time – and this time he was absolutely sure of what her answer would be. Being that it was summer and the weather was quite fair Gilbert expected that Anne would be sitting on the porch of Green Gables where she often chose to stay during the day. He had a plan for the perfect location that would live up to all her idealistic dreams of what a proposal should be.

Closing the distance between the Blythe family farm and Green Gables he felt the same nervousness he had felt so long ago in the meadow, that unsettled feeling as if a whole field of butterflies had taken upon themselves to take flight in his stomach, though he stubbornly refused to let it deter him. He spotted the familiar red hair through the bushes surrounding the side of the porch and promptly spoke as he came into view.

 _"I've come to ask you to go for one of our old-time rambles through September woods and 'over the hills where spices grow' this afternoon,"_ He called out to the woman sitting on the stone steps leading up to the porch with some sort of fabric in her lap. _"Suppose we visit Hester Gray's garden."_

 _"Oh, I wish I could but I really can't, Gilbert."_

His heart dropped at those words though her seeming so let down by the fact and his determination that he **would** have his answer one way or another kept him from feeling too disappointed. _"Well, can you go tomorrow afternoon then?"_ He asked hopefully, sure she would agree to visit with him if she had even a moment of time to herself.

 _"Yes, I think so."_ Anne agreed readily after a moment's thought.

Gilbert fought down the excitement he felt, at last his chance was to come. There were chores and housework to be done as well as quite a few other duties that had been set aside during his illness which he had set aside for the next day so as to have this time open, but with his plans changed by events out of his control he would do it all today instead. With only half a mind set to the discussion at hand he continued to discuss the events of the summer with her. Her laugh made his heart swell – it was a sound he hoped would fill their home for many years if all went right.

He couldn't help but ask after the material in her lap, which he correctly assumed was the dress she expected to wear for the wedding she would be attending this evening. The vision in his mind of Anne in this dress of green with the white of the starflowers gleaming through her red tresses was nearly too much for him. _"Well, I'll be up tomorrow. Hope you'll have a nice time tonight."_ Gilbert said to her before turning and casually making his way back towards his own home. His father gave him a pitying look as he came up the walk.

"Alice Pennhallow's wedding is this evening – Anne and I are to go for our walk tomorrow." He called out. "Today I shall get everything done so there will be nothing to distract from tomorrow."

The man simply laughed at his son, tossing a pair of work gloves to him. "Well I suppose it's better than an outright rejection."

His work was done with little attention towards the tasks at hand with his mind so occupied by the thrill of what the next day would bring. Though his heart and mind were distracted he finished every last thing due to be done before he retired to bed that night. His dreams were filled with a future where Mrs. Anne Blythe shared his home and heart, he awoke in the morning ready to make these dreams his truth. By the afternoon his stomach was once again filled with the flutters of a thousand butterflies worth of nervousness as he began the trek to Green Gables. Anne stood already waiting on the porch when he arrived dressed in a green dress he recalled once telling her he had especially liked. Without a word spoken between them together the couple began walking down the beautiful path towards Hester Gray's garden. The words caught in his throat each time Gilbert tried to speak and he feared accidentally revealing himself too soon. If everything were perfect she just couldn't refuse him this time, he felt, and it had to be in the beautiful bounty contained within the garden that he asked.

The moment they entered the gardened patch Anne immediately sat down on the old wooden bench. He knew that this was his chance and yet the words just wouldn't come out in a way that would fit this ideal moment he wanted to create for her. Anne deserved her perfect proposal as she'd always imagined it. His moment came when she spoke, giving him the perfect segue into how to ask. He took a deep breath and asked his question refusing to be deterred. By the look on her face she was expecting what was coming but instead of quashing his line of questions or looking like she wished to flee him this time instead looked hopeful taking another deep breath he spoke the words he hoped would usher him into his future, telling her of his dreams and hoping this time for the answer he'd wanted all those years ago.


End file.
